Bridging Expectations and the In-Between

Navigating Expectations and the In-Between 

At Mind the Gap Therapy, we often focus on the “in-between” spaces, the moments where what we hope for does not match reality, where our needs intersect with another person’s limits, and where our desire for connection meets the natural boundaries of relationships. Expectations live at the heart of these in-between spaces.

1. What are expectations?

Expectations are internalized beliefs or assumptions about how others should act, respond, or support us. They reflect our hopes for connection and guide how we interpret relational interactions.

2. Where do expectations stem from?

• Past experiences: Early relational patterns shape beliefs about how others should “typically” behave.

• Personal values and identity: Our sense of what is important, fair, or respectful informs our expectations.

• Unmet emotional needs: When needs are unacknowledged or unfulfilled, we may unconsciously rely on others to meet them.

• Cultural or societal norms: External messages about roles, responsibilities, or “appropriate” behaviour influence what we anticipate from relationships.

Bridging Expectations into Meaningful Dialogue

Rigid or unspoken expectations often leave us stuck in the “in-between,” creating tension or frustration. Shifting toward connection involves:

• Recognizing and naming our expectations.

• Expressing our needs while respecting the other person’s autonomy.

• Using bridging statements such as:

“This is where I’m at, and I’d love for you to meet me here, but I understand if you can’t.”

This approach allows for:

• Honouring our own needs

• Respecting the other person’s autonomy

• Creating space for honest dialogue and emotional safety

4. Four Common Gaps of Expectations

Expectations often create emotional “gaps” that leave us in an uncomfortable in-between state. These gaps typically manifest as:

1. Frustration/ Contempt – Unspoken expectations that generate resentment or irritation when unmet.

2. Disappointment/ Withdrawal – When expectations arise from unmet needs, and the other person cannot or does not respond as hoped, leading to emotional distancing.

3. Anxiety/ Hypervigilance – When expectations stem from past relational experiences, we may anticipate negative outcomes, remaining alert or on edge in interactions.

4. Conflict/ Tension – When expectations reflect core values or identity, unmet expectations can trigger intense relational or moral tension, leaving both parties feeling caught between desire and reality.

Bridging the gap at Mind the Gap Therapy

The “in-between” is not just a challenge—it’s the essence of growth. At Mind the Gap, we see these spaces as opportunities: opportunities to notice patterns, express needs mindfully, and cultivate authentic connection. This approach helps us to move from stuck, reactive patterns into understanding, choice, and relational resilience.

Bottom line: Expectations illuminate what matters most to us. Expectations aren’t inherently “bad”—they reflect what matters to us and where we feel vulnerable. The way we express them—mindfully and compassionately—determines whether they build connection or create distance. Bridging communication provides a pathway to honour both our needs and the autonomy of others, turning the in-between space into an opportunity for understanding and authentic connection.

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